Friday, August 1, 2014

Listen to my words

Why don't you learn to listen to the words that come out of my mouth and not out of your own head.

Saturday, January 25, 2014


I am setting up my closet and shopping closets together on Poshmark. I want you to join! Help get both of us a $5 credit (how can you go wrong! Its free to join!) Get your credit and mine by using the code BPGNZ DON'T forget the CODE! BPGNZ! 

Its going to be really hard, we're gonna have to work at it....

Have you read Love Dare? Or read the 5 Love Languages? It is important that you take from those books and learn that it doesn't have to just apply to your significant other. You wonder how you can apply it to others? Why not "exercise" it on all types of relationships. The Relationships you have with your child(ren), your co-workers, friends, family member, and even a stranger. So my friends and I love a blog called Momastery. I admit I don't read blogs as often as I wish I could about as often as I write in my own... yet I digress.. Glennon Melton the author of the Momastery wrote a blog about the Questions that could save your relationships..  Another GREAT read and I highly recommend it. I read it and gave it lots of thought because I too have the "sticking to the health and weather type of conversations" that don't lead me to a deeper connection with a person. Its all sugar coated and fluffy. I admit sometimes its just too taxing for ME to be the deeper conversationalist and sometimes I only want fluffy stuff conversation because my brain is too full or I am emotionally drained but sometimes I want people to call me in genuine need for my companionship. They really want to talk to me out of a mutual need not just to fill in the blanks that its been 3 days 12 hours and 5 minutes since we last talked. Lately I've been talking more to a Facebook friend and we have really dived into some of each others skeletons.. I don't think it was intentional it just happened and I have really enjoyed the conversations lately and have had some insight on myself and a lot of new things I have learned about myself I am going to try and address. If I only talked to this friend about the weather in New York and her nieces I don't think I would gain so much. I have certain friends I know I can have common interests with that are more likely to gain/grow/appreciate certain topics of conversations. This may be wrong of me but anyways. My friend Stephanie posted the Momastery article from Huffington and she said what questions could we ask better of our loved ones? what questions do you wish your friends asked? Instead how are you? How are the kids? Everyone just says okay, fine, good whatever... What are you doing today? Housework... No one REALLY wants to have that conversation or do we have that conversation to save us from having REAL conversations. Do you sugar coat it and only talk about your health and the weather so you don't have to use real compassion and intellect. So read this article and don't just think it applies to a significant other but what about a child or a friend or even a stranger. It will be epic if we could all try this. On my Facebook I asked all my Facebook friends to comment below my article and maybe even tag a friend of a question they want to ask. If they didn't "tag" the friend then its a generalized question. So lets all dig a little deeper and try to ask a deeper questions in our relationships. Then the next time your husband says Hi Honey, I am home, how was your day? You will want to smack him! So what kind of questions would you like to be asked? What kind of questions should you be asking?

Remember its going to be real hard but relationships take work and the rewards are endless.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Fairy tales

So I am on the third book of a book series and my Face Book friends must think I never read because I have been having several status just about this book series. I am currently reading the Crossfire Series by Sylvia Day.. It was highly recommended to me after I finished 50 Shades of Grey but I never picked it up. Honestly I LOVE books I am a classic literature freak... Beowulf, Shakespeare, Edgar Allen Poe... etc. The greats I could get lost. In the Crossfire books the main characters Eva and Gideon have a love that is co dependent and most people would say unhealthy... They can't live without each other and they physically need each other. There are relationships where I've felt that need or felt I needed it in return. There are relationships where I would listen to the sappy love songs and wished that I could dedicate them to someone or they would dedicate them to me. That we would feel like that. That we would feel like the words of our own song. I read an article a few years ago that said the Twilight Romance is unhealthy for marriages because wives begin to expect that type of love out of their romance. What about way before that? What about the romance in movies? Or Romeo and Juliet? What great lengths that Romeo and Juliet would do to be together. Some pieces of 50 Shades of Grey were a lot like my past in a relationship I once had where he was terribly beautifully broken then with Eva and Gideon I think how ironic it is that the characters (even the gay best friend in the book) reflect my own life. No my husband isn't a hunky ribbed ab'd martial artist with billions and he certainly doesn't stalk me (or does he?) He's hunky to me *blush* and the character in the book Gideon possess some very similar traits to +Richard . Some I thought he had when we first were just friends, Some I wished he would have and some he does have. Gideon is like Rick in many different aspects its like a prism. Some of the quotes from the book make me do a face palm because I am like that is so like Rick or Eva your so like me... even though I find her a twit like most female leads in the books I read. I guess that's the going thing for romance novels when that's not me or whom I like at all. I am very independently thinking, strong, take no crap kinda gal... Amelia Earhart, Beatrix Potter... are all some of my favorite women. They didn't follow rules certainly not the ones men or society laid out for them. The women who had the mental abilities and strength of any man but still had the kindest softest heart of a woman.  But that's getting off topic. The girls in the books I read like Bella from Twilight and Eva from these Crossfire books just seem to be puddy in the male hands. No I WON'T Be with you then of course they fall in the next second and give in to every command... ugh.

I saw P!nk on Ellen (another woman I admire) and I had to laugh what P!nk said about her and her relationship. Ellen said well now your happily married. P!nk just laughed and said we are married things aren't always happy. We are REAL. I think that explains my marriage too. Our marriage really seemed fairy tale in the beginning perhaps that's why I am here (haha) I often told him I was on cloud nine... but after the Army, deployments, diagnosis',  a baby and more... we are worn now. Cloud Nine isn't all puffy white clouds and falling is even harder when you've been raised so high and let down before. Our marriage isn't always Romeo and Juliet... it never will be. Its not Bella and Edward, Christian and Ana, Diana and Charles, Grace Kelly and Prince Rainier, Elvis and Priscilla, or even Eva and Gideon. Its Bella and Rick :) Its not always a love song, a poem, or a fairy tale its what's real. We have bills, sickness, work, and stress like everyone else. In ways all those things define us good and bad. We came into this marriage with baggage.. We aren't high school sweet hearts. We aren't each others firsts... nothing fairy tales are laid of... its what real life is made of.

Do I still crave and want a possessive, romantic, knight and shining armor? Yes. Who doesn't?
But I am willing to accept my whole life can't be a Notebook romance.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Where I am on your Totem pole?

Ask yourself about your priorities in life... For most people or should I say most Christian's its supposed to be God, Spouse, Children (if you have them)... then fill in the blank.... job, hobbies, friends, SEC Football... whatever. So everyone has a Totem Pole of priorities. I was just talking to someone about a friendship I had/have with someone else. Then I mentioned the conversation to my husband. If a friend has certain actions that occur over time that leaves me to believe of where I am at in her list of priorities. I have never asked to be anyone but my husband's priority... maybe my parents as well. But I would never demand a friend make me a priority in their life when they have their own faith, job, family, possibly spouse. I have had friends multiple times make that demand of ME though. So if your looking at a Totem pole and you can place the priorities at the top being faith, then your spouse, then children or job or whatever... Then you have another totem pole of friends and maybe hobbies. Perhaps we all have Totem Poles in our lives where we categorize things like this... even friends. We have BEST friends and Childhood friends and perhaps if my BEST friend +Michelle Jorden  asked me to be there for something or do something for/with her and an acquaintance asked me to attend a birthday party or some other event the same time of course I would go be there for my BEST friend because I think it would mean MORE to her than it would the acquaintance and it would also hurt her more if I chose the other person over her. In peoples lives its okay to be at the top of some people's Totem Poles... its just as okay to be on the bottom as well. You can't be at everyone's top! Its nice to know where you are on another person's Totem Pole though. How I rate myself on your Totem pole is how I am treated. Do you take time out to check on me when you know I've been dealing with a lot, leave a text message, voice mail or even an email. I'd feel really special and near the top if I got a letter or Christmas card or something. You really took time out to show me you care. When you return a favor or do something out of goodness. I can accept being at the bottom of your Totem Pole but I know not to make you a priority.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Home Sweet Home -- kinda

I am from Georgia. I lived in Georgia until +Richard Stevens kidnapped me and I didn't think I would ever move even though I've been Wooed by Tennessee and Michigan before... I just didn't think I would ever move away from family. I lived 4 hours from Family and that was hard at times. But I've grown to love Huntsville... Not Alabama just Huntsville. I do always look forward to going home for visits with my best friend. Even if its a mini road trip like it is today... I only went right inside the Georgia border to meet up with someone then I drove straight home we barely made any stops. I love Road Trips. I love driving MOST of the time. This is the first time I ever went over the Scottsboro Bridge and up Sand Mountain by myself. Usually Rick does those tricky parts. But originally I intended for it to just be +Michelle Jorden her daughter Kilie, and I.... at the last minute and I mean the VERY last minute Rick decided to join us which also means William had to come too. William was excited about seeing Shell and Kilie anyways. Just going barely inside of the state lines makes my day YAY :) On a bad note Michelle's van got a flat tire. Pray she can get a new to her one soon :( She just can't seem to get a break. Maybe next time one of my Georgia friends will decide to drive half way and meet me on the border for a lunch date or something *wink*

Thursday, January 2, 2014

New Facebook Cover

Allowance, Chores, Good Grades, Respect in a world of self entitlement.

When I was a single parent Skylar got an allowance... If I had 10 cents left out of my earnings and after bills/needs that's what she got. She got whatever I had left which usually wasn't much since I was single. I usually put it on a gift card or something so she could have the cute Dora gift card (it was what she was into at the time) from Walmart. 

We've gotten away from having so many assigned chores. I have fought with myself over to let kids be kids and she struggles enough with getting homework completed and not having any time with friends much less extra circular activities like her beloved Cheer. Rick and I pick up the slack and James helps out in the areas in which physically hurt me. I've tried doing chore charts for all three kids and included in some commission chores as Dave Ramsey suggests. They had their responsibilities to just help out as being part of a family and then they had other chores they could do to earn commission but yet no one helped enforce or manage these. So I gave up. James said he didn't want to earn any money. Skylar's too lazy to take care of her regular chores or like I said too busy doing her first responsibility -- school. 

Then I tried but again my husband and kids seemed uninterested. 

I've tried Cozi and all sorts of different types to organize and keep us connected it usually falls on deaf ears.

I don't want to raise my child to be self entitled especially in this society where we've elected politicians that support this YOLO belief. I visited this on my blog last week HERE.

Again I am running into the gimmies and my Christmas Tree is still up so that means my children have no business with the Gimmies when they were just spoiled beyond belief a week ago.  I don't see the sense in a North Face jacket when its just like any other furry fleece Jacket... You appreciate what you had not a name brand or a fad. .

Does your child get allowance? If so how much for what age and what portion do they earn? 

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

My goals and resolutions for 2014

The Blog Dare on Bloggy Moms

I made a resolution to not make new resolutions just to keep the old ones.
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My New Years Resolutions are to snail mail important people that I may have lost contact (Dr, David Hermecz, Barry and Joanne Mick, Joey Harmon, Stephanie White) with or that are special enough to know I take time to hand write them. This is now going to include Thank You notes. William's birthday was in August and his are sitting on my desk WHOOPS!

Recently I saw a music video and it shook me. Sadly its not the first time I just chose then to not change at that moment. I am going to try to change this time... I know from my faith and my beliefs I can't change other people but I can change myself. I can pray for the other people and hope that God's will works for me or I can learn to change ME and accept the things I cannot change and that it is not in God's will to change. This isn't so much a New Years Resolution as it is reconfirmation of my faith. To let God lead me me. To let God handle the dirty nitty gritty. To go with the flow. I saw Say Something by a Great Big World I know I have a temper and because I am not quiet or keeping things to myself unfortunately there is confrontation. My husband and I have our disagreements. Sometimes the kids are present. I am not proud of this! Seeing the little girl in the music video and the one in the Pink video just left a void in me. I have to respect my children by controlling my temper and finding another way without them being hurt. Again I trust in God to help me through this as this is a bad habit.. its a cycle of abuse I need to break. 

My third big goal/resolution is I resolve to take care of my body my health and my emotional and spiritual being.

This year a bad habit I'm going to break: Is loosing my temper around the children
A new skill I'd like to learn: Sewing! oh and Cake making/decorating
A person I hope to be more like: My idols and my role models... Dr Dave, Barry Mick, Beatrix Potter, Audrey Hepburn, Jack Hanna, and Amelia Earhart.
A good deed I'm going to do: I always do good deeds its how I am built! Set forth out every day with selflessness.
A Place I'd like to visit: My grand parents head stones, My ex's father's head stone, Friends, the beach, Atlanta, Ruby Falls, and Pigeon Forge.. In the future Arizona and Disney World.
A Book I'd like to read: A child called It, Confession time Sylvia Days Bared to you ( I got it for Christmas!), Scream Free Marriage, and Parenting with Love and Logic.
A Letter I'm going to write: One to Barry Mick, Dr Dave, Joey... and William's thank you notes!
A new food I'd like to try: I tried Hummus yesterday it didn't go over well :( 
I'm going to do better at: NOT screaming

What are yours?

Welcome 2014!

What a way to start out the new year... 
Monday William was burning up running a temperature and then he started to get a sick tummy.. I usually don't rush my little ones to the doctor since 99% of the time I hear Skylar has strep even though she rarely has symptoms and/or its just a virus it has to work its way out. But I was genuinely concerned and Rick said he would just feel better if I took William to the doctor so I did. He weighed just shy of 40 lbs and he had a 103 Temp. They swabbed him for influenza and strep throat. Strep came back positive. Poor Bubby was more still and quiet than he's been since the day before he was born. He slept almost all day with a small spurt of energy.. Anyone that knows William knows he has the energy of 4 - four year old boys. Yesterday he wasn't any better and for awhile we were really worried because the stomach got much worse and he had not gone potty. So we canceled the sitter (she is sick anyways) and just chose to stay in. It was also my husband +Richard Stevens  50th birthday. He ran to get take out from one of our favorite resturants and I ran to Publix to get birthday party supplies (cake, ice cream, birthday card, present, candles)... We had our own little party here at the house. Not the Steam Punk bash I had planned :( 

William is better. He only vomited this morning and has been holding down everything else. His fever finally broke after 3 days and he hasn't napped today. We've had a chill and lazy day. The kids playing Sims and Just Dance and just playing. Rick building his war game and me bouncing between things like the new American Girl Release of Isabelle, Sims, chores, and playing with the kids.
Fever Bugs showing a Normal temperature.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Self Entitlement

I am no fan of the President I never have been. I was raised by a military family that taught you respect your elders, you worked hard and weren't a mooch, you had self discipline (I struggle with this one), and you respect the military and the office of the government. In other words you respect the office of the president and his authority but that doesn't mean you have to like him/her. However in this culture of lazy SPOILED American's we elected the right guy to continue with the society of Self Entitlement. I see it in my own house and it bothers me. Under the age of 17 you have the right that your parents provide... Food, shelter, clothing... After the age of 17 you are not given the right to anything except what is stated in the Constitution and Bill of Rights, and I even question if those rights still exist too. I got fairly angry at a person that posted on my Facebook timeline when she said basically that she gives a rats ass about religion that she is under the Mantra whatever makes you happy? Perhaps what would make me happy is robbing and pillaging your loved ones I am sure her mantra would no longer apply LOL.

My daughter is 11 and she used to get allowance even when I was a struggling single mom on TANF and Food Stamps I would give her whatever change was left and that was her allowance at a young age. When she was loosing her baby teeth she was given $1 per tooth per year of life... ie... 6 year old would get $6 per tooth. Because of the crowd she hangs out with she's been acting a little more spoiled. She's never liked cleaning up after herself but she will do Mom chores pretty well now of course if its not a social event she's not interested like any normal Pre-Teen/Teenager. I have started trying to figure out ways to get her realize Money still does exist and how to budget. I bought her Dave Ramsey's Kids program for Christmas. She just has a hard concept sometimes even when it comes to me being sick she will still ask to go shopping or whatever or want me to do something that I can't do because I am sick.

Anyways my friend +Marissa Weir  posted this GREAT (I told her BEST) read... Take a look
5 Signs Kids are Struggling with Entitlement

Thursday, December 5, 2013

So funny (adult language)

LMAO its like my daughter and husband  in a blog... She wouldn't do beanie babies, or Monster High but she will take plain ear buds... and instead of an Itouch (which she wouldn't refuse) she would ask for an IPHONE because well we are a teenager now... and yes the North Faces and Justice all asked for LOL... and she already has Saige and the DVD *hangs head*

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Roaring at Haters.

So after I was listening to MoJo... I love Car line for this reason and they were having the discussion about friends... Roar by Katy Perry came on. I have had some family drama lately and I have always wondered why certain family, friends, people in my life why they can't be happy that I am where I am? Then I realized because the people oppressing you don't WANT you to win... They are HATERS.

I must sound so full of it but this is honestly I guess my logic... If people can't be there for me in the sunshine and just LOVE when it rains then they don't deserve the sunshine and its ALL RIGHT!
Or if people JUST want my sunshine but vanish when it rains then its time to kick those people to the curb as well.

I have cried my ugly tears this week dealing with my family abandoning me but I realized they just can't be happy for me for whatever reason its THEIR issue not mine. This is not a new issue I have struggled with my family my whole life. Same goes for some people I might have called friends.

I have truly been blessed with the ability to not let things weigh me down... It could take months, or just weeks or days or no time at all for me to dust myself off but I ALWAYS dust myself off. Sometimes I have to learn that a certain thing or person is holding me down that may take awhile it may take awhile for me to learn to let that person go but I can ROAR over adversity I believe it and I have done it... maybe its what some people call faith? IDK...

The Trouble with Ramona

I was listening to Mojo (a local DJ on 104.3) and he was reading an email in a segment he calls Naked Morning Guy where this woman "Ramona" said she always has that one friend that always tends to call when she needs something not when she just wants to get together or whatever. I have spoken about such a problem myself. Mojo says even he has that problem even with a brother. So a caller called in and said each friendship or relationship has to be weighed and valued differently. You may have resources someone else doesn't.... Like my friends call me the Google Queen plus I am quite crafty and pretty good with graphics. I do tend to get people out of the wood work who just need me to do something on PSP or find something on Google and honestly its irritating because Google (or Swagbucks) and I don't have a special relationship LOL anyone can Google. I do get irritated that you seem to pay 0 attention to me 364 days out of the year except the one time you want me to work a miracle in Paint Shop Pro... don't offer to pay me, want me to use my resources that cost ME money, and don't even act the least bit appreciative. There are a lot of times i want to send people to So yes I may have resources, talent, and knowledge but don't let that make your head big it doesn't come free. Anyways he or she was saying to find a resource that the other friend has that you can use from time to time... How to tell your real friends from users? Call them up, Facebook Message, Or whatever from time to time and say hey I need and it doesn't have to be anything huge or taxing it can be a cup of sugar... if they are your true friend then sugar won't be that much of an effort for them. I LOVE Bartering... I am not such a great baby sitter... I mean I don't kill anyone's kids but I just don't think I am great with kids other than my own but my friend she's GREAT with kids and sometimes my son William is hard to be with but they were like soul buddies from instant. So I may call her to babysit for me which she says she doesn't mind... I do NOT like asking friends to baby sit especially for free. I always feel like the favor is going to hit me in the face. So if I do ask her to babysit I always pay her whatever I can or a very fair and competitive amount. But I also show her I am returning the favor by using resources, talent, and whatever to make her life easier. I don't wait to be asked I just DO IT! I have had a rough few years with some really close relationships... When I left Georgia with the clothes on my back and nothing more and made EVERYONE from coast to coast... well drop their jaws I wasn't even sure my best friend was my best friend anymore. When I was on the verge of leaving and breaking up with my boyfriend at the time she seemed to be more friendly with my boyfriend than me. I always got stuck at home doing mom stuff while he went over there to chill relax drink or whatever. Thankfully she is still one of the best friends I've ever had for the past 10 years. I had another best friend O. and K. they encouraged me to get out of the rotten place I was and follow my destiny but when I got to Alabama... O. got crazy and told Rick I was cheating on him and that I didn't make enough time for her... Those who've read this blog awhile know the story, well that relationship fell apart and I have tried to revisit it but I just don't think its a healthy one. K stayed my friend and we got closer for awhile but then I felt like it started to unravel when I got pregnant with my youngest. Perhaps we were on two different wave lengths... perhaps it was jealousy. Then her life took her down a path where we had one thing in common again and then something happened and I was spooked away again and I have left that relationship where it is.... I had a friend that I have had for off and on for 13 years? A very long time and at the beginning of this year I just kinda felt like I was her cure for boredom and I didn't want to be anyone's cure for boredom... If you want to talk to me or spend time with me it should be because you want to not because your on your 20 minute ride to the doctors office and you want to call me on your way there. in April the shit kinda hit the fan and then she took a path in her life I didn't agree with and she seems to be all about her new life path so we've lost a connection and I am happy for her but at the same time I don't miss what we had. I was finished I think before I knew it. I also had two friends B & B that really burned me about two years ago... I have had a hard time making new friends since then. I hadn't really wanted to I would rather be a loner (which is NOT me I am a very social person) than be that hurt again. I have friends... especially friends that have kids that are friends with my kids... you know you go on play dates or you hang out on occasion... But I kept them at arms length... afraid of the loss again. I haven't completely gotten over that and I am not sure I want to walk blindly over the rope bridge again :/
I had a very wise woman I am acquaintances with once tell me.. in relationships and friendships you don't keep score... I always try to remember that especially when I feel as I do now... burnt out. I know I may be in a better situation that some of my friends so I can give them a helping hand and when they get on their feet perhaps they will return their favor some how... I am not counting on it but perhaps.... I am a little frustrated with the fact is I don't even see some of my friends TRYING. I guess I need to let go and give it to God.

This started out as one blog and transformed into another... Read the next blog about Roaring at Haters!

My Precious Child

I entered a diaper giveaway on My Precious child... Even if you don't have a child in diapers check them out they have fantastic products and giveaways.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Day 8 of thanks

This picture signifies the beginning of what I call my second life. My life away from Georgia. My life as an Army Wife, My life as a wife, a mother, step mother... and so on.

Day 8 I am thankful for my second life. Its more than a second chance at life. God had already given me that. Its a new life as a Christian because I asked God to take the wheel and lead me to my purpose filled life and there I was at the alter with a man I had spoken to for over a year but we were only together for a few weeks. I had no butterflies, no reservations, no second thoughts... I was full in +Richard  on the other hand was shaking like a leaf. Being an Army wife or a soldier isn't for everyone. I was unsure if it was my purpose from the time I was a little girl I just said never... My guardian was retired Air Force. My sister was in the Air Force I saw things... I knew things but then again I knew nothing. The Army provides for us to this day even though he's been retired three years I will never be ungrateful for the privileges and how it provides for myself and Skylar. The military provided my second life a whole new life. 

Just because I have a second life doesn't mean that I didn't learn from my first life. EVERYTHING I took from my second life stays with me like a tattoo. Its never forgotten. Some of the pain has stayed behind but some creeps up and becomes raw. The rawness of becoming a widow, being abandoned multiple times by blood and family, loosing Mackenzie. As well as some relationships I've kept. My best friend of 10 years, and some people that seem to take me for me! 

and I am grateful for my new home. Where the problem is this weekend to go to Aviation Challenge at the Space and Rocket Center, The Chattanooga Zoo, or the Harmony Park Safari? There is so much for our kids to enjoy here whether you have money or you don't.

Madonna This Used To Be My Playground (Long Version)

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Day 7 of thanks

Day 7
I know most of you have heard this before... 
I am thankful for the dirty dishes it means we have plenty to eat... I can name some people that struggle to have dinner each night and some children who's belly goes empty.

I am thankful for the roof over my head I show that gratitude by showing kindness upon the homeless.

I am thankful for the presents under the tree at Christmas time and I always pay our blessings forward and its a tradition our kids pick out gifts for Toys for Tots. 

I try not to complain when my husband works long hours because he has a job in this economy especially in his field where Furlough is as common as the word Friday. Its a GOOD job. I love the company. I love the benefits. The pay isn't half bad either. I am VERRRY grateful.

I am thankful that my laundry multiplies in the baskets that means we have plenty of nice clothes to keep us warm. Honestly my kids closets over flow.

+Bella Armyknightslady  +Richard Stevens

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Day 6

Day 6 I am thankful for the support. I have entrusted a few people in my life with a major life changing event that could happen in my little world very soon. I have only heard positive things from people and I am so grateful that my husband supports me and encourages me and doesn't freak out hehe :)

I am thankful for my network of people that are knowledgeable in whatever field and I know I can get help in many ways if needed.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Day 5 of my Days of Thanks

Day 5 I am thankful I get the opportunity to work from home that way I can take the time needed to take care of my little monsters. The weekend before Halloween William started a cough and just wasn't acting like himself so we have had to post pone plans of taking James hiking for his birthday. He got better and surprisingly went to school all last week. I was the one that had fighting the cold. Well last night William's cough achieved level nasty and he's got a low grade fever at best. His head is still very warm even though the new thermometer isn't showing a high temp... (we have major issues with thermometers in the house LOL)
I even kept Skylar home because I know she's got the same cold and low grade fever
Skylar brought down her trundle mattress so they could cuddle. William is so upset he can't go to school. My alarm on my phone went off and William said its time to go... I said yes bud but we are going to stay home and rest today. He got the pouty lip and is so sad... He left the room and a minute later came back and said but please can I go to school? awww my poor baby. William has some special needs children in his Pre-K class and I am almost positive one has a compromised immune system so I don't want to chance that child getting sick. Plus with William having a fever he could get more sick from other germs.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Day 4 of Days of Thanks... Jesus Take the Wheel.

November 4th

 I've written about my connection to this song probably many times in my blog. I have been through some tough times and I have never blasted God or asked him why I know he has his reasons and its not for me to understand now but perhaps later or not at all. I have held on to my faith like my last breath of air because if its the last thing I have then I cannot give up on that. 

I read Gianna Aborted and Lived to Tell about it. Years and years ago. 

She talks about giving it to God etc. I never understood it. When Mackenzie had to go live with the grand bitch I just said God has a reason and its not for me to question it. Anyone that knows me knows how freaked I get about my kids especially Skylar. She had to have general anesthesia at the age of what 3 or 4 I don't remember to have some teeth removed. I FREAKED big time. I still questioned how to give it to God etc etc. But I did my best. I heard Jesus Take the Wheel  and it kinda put me at a calm and I just promised God if he helped me with Skylar that I would give back to him. I would lead my life in another direction. My prayer and promise was a lot like the words to the song. Then when I left that situation in Georgia a year or less later. I questioned the road I was about to take. The Journey... When Rick made the decision that he didn't want to leave me in Georgia and I had to leave the ex and my family. I really was scared to leave Mackenzie behind. I wouldn't live in the state as him anymore. I wouldn't have the safety of my family... Although they looked more unsafe at that time. I knew it would be a better life here. Even once we were married I hoped I chose the right road for Skylar. Then we chose William and retirement and I still questioned my decisions. Now I feel whole about my faith. I kept telling Rick over the summer have faith, pray about it... God will provide and I got the usual yeah whatever... God doesn't pay the bills. But he did! You know how many job interviews Rick has been offered since ITT-CAS? I mean who would have been able to convince him a month ago he would quit ITT-CAS? 

I wrote this 3 years ago and he's been at Northrup Grumman now for 3 years and it provides. It provides him with more than a job. 

When Skylar needed to have that general anesthesia to have her teeth removed I was very scared and freaked out. I was worried. I had been under general anesthesia and every time I've had it was very disorienting to come out of. The tube to help you breathe down your throat etc. Not to mention risks etc.
I had told people about reading about Gianna and how she didn't hold a grudge about her injuries from the attempt to abort her. She gave it all to God. As I said as a teen/ young adult when I read the book I didn't get it. So I started asking in my groups and friends. Its not an easy thing to explain but I tried to do it in my own way and give it my best. I just had to believe he was in control and he wouldn't hurt her. Having that faith has helped me through so much.

So what does this have to do with the days of thanks? What am I thankful for? As I said on Day 1 and Day 2 of this...I am thankful for the broken road that led me to where I am. Sometimes I have control issues and try to take back over and I have to remember to give it God and he will take care of whatever it is that is taxing me. 

I had this all thought out yesterday but didn't have time to write it since I was driving a lot... perhaps it will come back to me later today after the kids are off and the Caffeine hits the joints.